Bedtime

Bedtime used to be my favourite time of day with my daughter. It meant all was quiet, she was chill and there were lots of snuggles.

Bedtime is now bittersweet.

It seems every time I put her to sleep she wakes up a little bigger, wiser and more grown up. Why does God make childhood go by so fast and shit times like junior high school last so long?

It seems every day I lay my head down I'm filled with questions and regrets like,

• Did I spend enough time with her today?
• Why didn't I have the camera ready for that perfect photo op?
• Did I make her feel special?
• Why do I spend so much time trying to make others happy when I should really be concerned about my own family?

These are the things that keep me awake sometimes. It's all going by so quickly that I feel like every family moment is precious since, in the grand scheme of things, they only happen a handful of times a month. I really feel like tomorrow my daughter will be asking for the keys to the car.

8 hours and 53 minutes until bedtime, gotta make it count.

The Kate Gosselin Pity Party

* For the duration of this post, please be advised that I believe Jon has been unfaithful (in some capacity) to Kate & is not ready to admit it publicly.

So, after watching the season premiere of Jon & Kate + 8 last night, I decided the best thing for them would be to send Kate to Duggar Bootcamp. Granted, Michelle Duggar has treated her vagina like a clown car, but at least she knows what she's doing. Kate could learn a thing or two on how to treat family from Michelle. Perhaps a few lessons on how to treat your partner with dignity & respect. After watching a bunch of Jon & Kate episodes over the weekend, it became disconcerting how much their relationship had deteriorated, divorce wouldn't be a huge surprise.

I don't want to hear any "oh, but no one deserves to be cheated on" arguments either, but I'll give you - it's a terrible way to go about getting out of a marriage. Respect breeds respect, it's pretty obvious that has been missing on the Gosselin front for a long time. Jon just disrespected Kate in a different way than she disrespects him. While we're on that subject, if the situation were reversed, and Jon berated Kate in every episode - there would be women lined up for blocks to kick his ass every time he stepped outside their 3.1 million dollar home. And when she cheated - after being spoken to for 5 years like she's a trained chimp - everyone would be saying "you go girl". Fucking double standards.

What's with the way Kate phrases everything? She tells us that Jon "needed the weekend off", leading us to believe Jon wouldn't be attending the sextuplets' birthday party. What was probably more accurate was that Jon didn't want to be filmed (come on, filming 4 days a week would wear on anyone - when there's no controversy brewing) and that pissed Kate off so she had to play the victim - yet again - and take the kids shopping on her own. Poor Kate. Jon did in fact attend the party - he had to pick up the cakes & bring them over. His interactions with the kids was heartbreaking & Kate trying to figure out why she was so cold (her heart) while trying to appear less awkward was just pitiful.

It's obvious the Kate Gosselin empire is strong - the show has become their main source of income, but do the math

• $25,000 to $75,000 per episode
• Decent coin on 2 book deals
• Speaking engagements, reportedly another $25,000 a pop to hear this woman speak
• Residual income from DVD sales
• Kate's new children's clothing line

That's not a bad little living.

I can see why Kate would want to keep the machine going and come up with this plan http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2009/05/exclusive-new-interview-jon-kates-secret-marriage-contract

I love how after Kate announces the plan to Jon, he finds a college girl to play "Let's Hide The Hair-Plugs" with and then Kate totally throws him under the bus, making herself the victim. Heaven help those kids with this kind of manipulation polluting their air.

To hear her complain about the paparazzi following her around makes me want to give her one or two good hard smacks. She's gonna be throwing 7 kinds of shit fits when the paparazzi aren't around anymore - it'll mean no one cares about her & her family anymore & the ride is over. I hope they've invested well.

I'm not disputing Kate is well organized and can run a house - a skill required with a big family. But I hope that if I ever spoke to or about my husband the way she does Jon that someone who loves me would take me aside and tell me what a bitch I am. Now, since that hasn't appeared to have happened, I'm going to err on the side of caution and assume Kate has eaten everyone who loved her. I'm not under any illusion that Jon is still living in the house but should he be allowed back in, my fear would be that without help, Kate would make him pay for his "bad decisions" for the rest of their marriage.

Kate proclaims to be a Christian, so she should know that when she's asked about her husband & says "I'm here for the kids" 27 times, red flags are bound to be raised. God 1st, Husband 2nd, Children 3rd. I don't think Jon's come 2nd for a long time. They stopped being lovers and became parents. I know maintaining that balance is difficult in the best of situations (ie - parents to only 1 child), however it doesn't seem like they surrounded themselves with people who would hold them accountable to each other and their family. They've gone out of control & no one is there to help reign them in.

It's time for this couple to cut the show, pull together & save what's left.

The Math Just Sucks

So, Jon & Kate + 8 took over TLC this weekend in a bid for the network to maximize the scandal surrounding the family and plug tomorrows season premiere.

There have been several cute little plays on the shows title by various tabloid shows & mags
Jon - Kate
Kate + 8 - Jon

You get the idea.

We have watched this show on and off since it first aired as a documentary. It was a decent "reality" show (I use that term loosely as it's so staged) about a family with 2 sets of multiples.

We love Jon (I will be sporting a TEAM JON shirt should I be able to find one!), he always looks like the most tired man on earth, oozing patience. Kate has picked my butt since the beginning and it's only gotten worse. I don't want to hear anyone giving me the "ohhh, you haven't walked in her shoes" and "You don't have 8 kids" bit either. Come on, she wanted this show & began marketing her family before the sextuplets were born.

We have discussed the way Kate treats Jon (and people in general) for years. It's like his wedding vows went something like this, "I, Jon, promise to do what ever you say, allow myself to be demeaned in public and in front of our children and allow you put my balls in a vice at your discretion while you wish I sit by your side, forever muted".

Now, I'm not saying stepping out on your partner is the solution to the problem, quite the opposite. I honestly hope they can save their relationship, but for goodness sakes people, get some help and enough with the show already.

I have yet to see this play on the title
Jon - Kate = 8 heartbroken babies.

Cara and Maddy must be 7 or 8 now - as if their classmates don't know about the show. Walking into 2nd or 3rd grade knowing everyone in your class knows your Daddy stepped out on your Mommy is more than should be expected of these kiddos.

Pull the plug.

That been said, we will be tuning in tomorrow night to see if Kate continues to play the victim and continues to throw her partner under the bus as she has with all her recent PR endeavours.

I also want to see if she's done something about that skunk/porcupine hairstyle yet - seriously, what's that about?

Disclaimer

As of late, I have found myself in heated debates via a certain networking site & was told I should blog about this shit. Hmmm, would anyone even care about the bitter diatribes of a stay at home mom? Not that my life is dull or bitter, it's just that the sarcastic and dark side of me tends to overrule the sunny happy side...if I had a sunny side.

Blogging about my life also goes against the eight year old girl inside of me who is afraid her parents might find out about what she's writing about.

Seriously.

See, I had the mother who read my diary (why is it that kids always hide their diaries between the mattresses?). My Mom always told me that what ever I did, she'd know about it. And she was ALWAYS right. So, either she sold her soul to Beelzebub for this power (one of many), or I was a ridiculously stupid kid. I never ended up in any "special" classes, so you do the math.

Another reason to resist blogging - time. I have a daughter, Little E, born Sept. 2006 and a son, The Baby Apostle, born April 2009. I shouldn't have time to bathe, let alone have time to blog about being smelly. So, we'll see how this goes.

The last reason to resist blogging. What will people think of me? That's a good question that has trailed me for decades. Truth be told, becoming a mother & turning thirty gave me a greater sense of self. That self began to care less & less about what people thought & rendered to the fact that the filter once placed on her mouth had somehow been removed.

So here's the disclaimer

I swear - some times alot, but never blaspheme - I still care what God thinks

You might not like some of the things I write about, but you only have to have an opinion to blog & it's not as if I'm telling you to substitue your opinions or beliefs with what you read here.

You may be exposed to frustrating rants regarding life as a mom (ie - baby puke, stretch marks, whale mating)

You may be exposed to jubilant posts regarding life as a mom (ie - potty success, baking, joyful kids)

So if you're still reading, consider yourself warned & enjoy. Entertainment is not guaranteed.